Book One – Chapter 19

Whatever the system, Yu suspected he had been left out on purpose. Officially, he was to live and work here, not to buy or bargain. Upon arrival, he had been too tired to notice any agreements or exchanges of coin for food. And since then, he had neither eaten, nor been present when the others had gotten their meals.

All of Yu’s speculations stopped at once as the thought struck him again; he had not eaten.

He had slept past breakfast.

There had been no lunch.

He had spent the whole day hunger-sick.

He should not put it off any longer.

He should eat.

But then … he was not hungry.

Not at all.

Not anymore.

Or was he?

For a while, Yu just stood and stared. His eyes drifted across the kitchen, searching for his hunger among the pots and plates and knives and saws.

Before coming to the guild, he had never in his life gone without food for so much as a day, or even half a day. Back home, he had basically eaten whenever he wanted. Something had always been ready, and he had snacked as he pleased in between. He did not even have to leave his room. Lib and Url had just brought him stuff. Tria had forbidden it, but Yu had still made them do it.

This now was not normal. To go a full day without food and then feel no hunger was not natural.

Yu rubbed at his neck with his wing.

It was not like him.

The sight and scent of warm food should be a relief. He should be starving. We need to be. The body needs it. We walked the trail for hours yesterday, like every day before. That proves we can survive on the trail. It proves we can survive without this place. We need to leave. It isn’t safe here. It is not safe there. Remember the orks. Remember the wapa after the orks — the only real meal. Everything else has been compressed rations, barely food, never enough. It will never be enough. Only she can give us enough. And more. She will give us everything. Yesterday, no, early this morning, was the only guild meal, and it was dough. In, out, gone. The food here isn’t safe. We cannot trust Bubs. He wants to poison us. He will. We need to be concerned about this. We must feel hunger. We should be starving. And we were starving. We were. But we are not now. We are. Where is all the pain from before? We feel something stronger now. Where is the hunger? It’s still here. It’s just that we want something else more —

Yu lashed out. His talon struck the stool beside the pot of stew, too hard. The stool toppled and clattered across the stones. He stared until all motion ceased. Then he stepped forward to set it back upright. And then he placed one of the bowls from the workbench on top.